overcrowded box of toys
My life is like a box of toys; it contains extracurriculars, events, friends, etc. Sometimes I don’t like my toys, and that’s normal. Like all toys, they have their flaws: they’re not colorful enough, not big enough, not shiny enough, they’ve lost a few pieces. But instead of fixing them, or replacing them when they’re beyond repair, I’ve been buying additional new ones.
My toy box has slowly been overcrowding, and each one gets less and less individual attention and love. At the slightest inconvenience a toy may be cast aside and forgotten, slowly buried over time. My time has been spent scouring department store aisles for the best new toys, instead of sewing buttons onto old ones.
Recently, abundance has been making me unhappy. I’ve been choosing quantity over quality. I spread myself too thin and lack focus. I stop when things get hard and don’t commit. I’ve been anxious, lacking confidence, in a rut, unappreciative, negative.
But I’m realizing that I already have pretty much all I need, things just sometimes need a bit of repair. It’s better to love just a few toys a lot, instead of a lot of toys just a little.
Now I’m chasing a simple but challenging life – a more minimal life. I’m working on embracing imperfections (in myself and others). I’m reflecting more on experiences to learn what feels fulfilling and what doesn’t. I’m intentionally putting more effort into the things that feel the most fulfilling: relationships and activities that feel kind and challenge me to grow. I’m not chasing people who don’t chase me back, and I’m not getting involved in activities that I don’t have energy to fully immerse myself into. I’m having hard conversations with people I love because I want to make things better when they’re not working.
Sometimes I still don’t like my toys, but now I’m working on fixing them up to be better over time.